June 20 2017 11:43pm
Wall of incoherent and pointless midnight musings.
Projecting a happy life on social media has become somewhat imperative. But are we, really? Sometimes I feel like a pathetic old scum when I rant about nonsense. My hands are quite full, when am not tied up in a bus on a roadtrip somewhere, I read, when am not reading, I run and watch people aimlessly at grandstand ( I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo yip), when I’m not running, I’m probably on duty or asleep or scrambling at the internet checking on itineraries on how to backpack SEA the cheapest possible way. In between my somewhat packed daily routine, I think about life, mine in particular and the people around me. I think about how happy and accomplished and purposeful their lives are and how unaccomplished mine is compared to theirs. I stare at the photos, waters splashing on cameras, foods that appear so delectable, outfits, poses and smiles that seem to have been well rehearsed that’s supppsed to wow its audience. I look at the smiles and eyes carefully, some appear to be genuinely happy, others suggest that they are only posting said stuff to update peeps that they are into something nice and noble, delicious and happy. Then I think about what happens to them behind facebook. Are they really happy? How much did it cost her to buy that coffee at Bo’s while completely ignoring the bills at home? Did her boyfroend really gave her those flowers? Or how much does he really care about his parents? While it is certainly none of my friggin business to pry into their personal affairs, one simply cannot tuck those questions away. Well, for someone like me who is painfully plagued by existential crisis, these questions hover over my head when I’m not unto something. So, where am I getting at? Hmmm, let’s see. I follow facebook pages that documents the war in Syria, the hunger in Africa and other extreme situations around the world and I want to hop into action. For me that’s what I need to do. The missions are calling me (charaught). I volunteered three years ago to become a full fledged nurse, Haiyan was the catalyst. Ofcourse my reasonable aim was to get enough experience, fly abroad, get rich, wear golds around my neck and fingers and live happily ever after. But at the depths of my heart and my soul, I knew I wanted to do something more profound and meaningful. I want to serve the communities that does not have the luxury of education or healthcare. I want to use my skills as a nurse to help these people. (In short, I want to save the world. Huehuehue. ) Somewhere far and remote. Maybe in a jungle somewhere in Brazil with alligators and anacondas just around the corner. It would be a nice adventure. But far fetch. Heck, I couldn’t even volunteer at Marawi. :(. Anyways, I took the necessary steps to get to that goal, I applied online at VSO and UN, and I failed miserably. Said I need to have a five year field experience and a Masters for that slot. The reason why I enrolled for a Masters at UP really, is not for promotion, (although that would be a very good bonus tbfh). It’s for me to qualify at a UN post someday. I really want to break away from the clutches of comfort and pretenses. Earlier, I found myself helplessly praying (which I haven’t done for almost two years now) for a miracle that I be assigned at the ER, as prep for what I intend to do in five or ten years. It seems like this is the kind of thing I have absolutely no control of. God wouldn’t be happy. If there ever is one. Anyways, if you got to the end of this wall of a text, can you recommend an institution that travels for a cause? Say a medical mission in remote places in Leyte or anywhere in the Philippines.? I’m physically fit, that I assure, so climbing mountains and long stretches of hikes wouldn’t be a problem. I just want to prepare myself in my attempt to save the world. Charaught. Hkhkhk.