I Want A Laidback Love

I want a laidback love. An uncomplicated love. A love that makes me feel safe and protected, like I am in the right place at the right time.

I want date nights in bed, munching on pizza and watching YouTube videos from our laptops. I want to stroll through shopping malls and home goods stores, browsing for knickknacks to decorate our apartment. I want to grab coffee together and sip from the cups at a round table outside or while we’re driving back to our place and singing along to our favorite songs from the nineties.

I want to spend some lazy weekends at home instead of always getting dressed up for parties and clubs where we would have to scream to hear each other. I want to sit on opposite ends of the same couch with my feet on your lap, reading while you play video games or catch up on a show I have zero interest in watching. I want to spend quiet quality time together, even if we are not talking.

I want to date someone who makes me feel loved just by being in the same room. A love that doesn’t need giant romantic gestures on anniversaries and holidays because feelings are shown every single day with hand holds and forehead kisses and surprise candy brought home from the store.

I want a love that makes me feel spoiled — not because I am being showered with material items, but because I am being acknowledged and appreciated and seen.

I want sleepy conversations at the end of the night where we talk about silly hypothetical situations. I want random texts that will make me burst into laughter while I’m at work. The little things matter more to me than diamond bracelets and plane tickets.

I don’t want your money. And I don’t want an exciting, romantic comedy type love filled with midnight fights and make-out sessions in the rain. I want a comforting love. A reliable love. I want to fall asleep with my head pressed against your chest. I want to wake up to the smell of pancakes on the stove. I want to develop an after work routine I look forward to for eight hours straight.

I want to stay home and bake cookies together. I want to drink alone in our living room. I want to cuddle in our underwear. I want to take selfies the internet will never see because they are intimate, private, only for us.

I want an authentic love. I don’t want the kind of relationship that only looks good online and in public. I want us to be at our happiest when we are alone, when no one is around for us to impress, when we are just being ourselves.

I want a laidback love. A love that doesn’t need expensive getaways and couples retreats in order to stay strong. I want a love that is exciting even when it’s ‘boring.’ I want a love that makes the most ordinary days feel like something special.

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Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral

Once in a while, a great Filipino film is born and deserves one long post. One sitting isn’t enough for a definitive review on this film (and I’d watch it 10x if I could). So, on my second viewing, I peer pressured Eula Gembai Andrade to watch Goyo, Ang Batang Heneral just like what Julian and co. did to Joven. 😂 It wasn’t as gory and inspiring as Heneral Luna was, the action scenes were muted in comparison with HL, but it was epic good as it revealed so much about what heroism is and the truth about our propensity as Filipinos to idolize people and leaders instead of truth and priniciples. It was a dragging movie and probably not everyone’s gonna love it. Here’s why: Gregorio is a difficult character to like, he didn’t show any signs of immense love for the nation, to the cause of the revolution, he was selfish, arrogant, incompetent, vain and well, a womanizer. (I’m pretty sure that a lot of us have been involved with a guy like Goyo. Yes? Yes. Pardon the bitterness 😂) So, moving on, our batang heneral isn’t the ideal hero that you expect to come dashing at the screen, unlike Rizal, he didn’t make any spurring nobelas that would spark up political reforms, this boy isn’t deserving to be called Supremo unlike Andres Bonifacio who led the KKK and the revolution. He wasn’t loyal, wasn’t friendly, wasn’t polite enough. No redeeming quality as in Nada. Zero. Zilch. He was only good at spewing charming words to Remedios (his love interest, but I liked Feli more, his other woman 😂). Anyways, here’s the thing about Goyo, it’s not meant to make the viewers admire the protagonist.

It was in the minor details where you’ll pluck off the important lessons. It was meant to wake us up to the stark reality that not all heroes, not all the people we think would save us from our condition are the people we think they are. Like us, they too are inclined to vanity, self interest. Some of them are shallow, bias-driven, or incompetent. In fact, many of them are womanizers – like our Gregorio.

The reality of heroism is that most of the real heroism that happens nowadays may never be recognized. Think of the nameless doctors, nurses, scientists, policymakers, and businessmen who have touched lives, formed communities, and created ripples of change.

To conclude, I wanna quote an actor: “Goyo is a good reminder of what it is to be a good Filipino, the responsibilities we must have to be Filipino, and what we have to live up to to be Filipino.”

All the cast deserve applause. It’s well acted all around. Two characters I grew really fond of were Vicente and Julian. Vicente’s face when he learns of Goyo’s death really broke my heart. Julian’s words “remember who you are” is similar to something i would always tell myself.

I hope you watch this film not because cinemas might pull it out, not because it deserves pity watch, but because it is an ambitious, heartbreaking, and thought-provoking work about our individual & collective identity. 🦅🇵🇭

Snippets:
#1 Nakaka punyeta yung theme ng “bata” nag-register na rin sa akin doon sa monologue ni Mabini. Immature yung leaders ng revolution (pataasan ng ihi), immature din yung mga kawal ng iba’t ibang heneral (in-fighting), at literal na bata as in si Goyo, na ang taas ng responsibilidad

#2 Julian delPilar played by Rafa SR is smoking hot. Plus he sings good too so okay. Pwede. Haha. char lang. Umayos tayo.

#3 Also, a bloody and howling Art Acuña is forever etched in my mind. What a great actor.

My fave lines:

#1 “Ano ba ang halaga ng isang bayani? Ano ba ang nasa likod ng kadakilaan? Bakit pirmi tayong nakatingala? Sumasamba nang walang pagdududa? Bakit lagi tayong bulag na umaasa sa mga tagapagligtas?”

#2 “Ang pagkakaiba… ikaw, tapat sa idolo mo. Kaming mga pinatay at papatayin mo, tapat kami sa isang prinsipyo. Namatay si Luna na isang sundalong may paninindigan. Ikaw, pumapatay lang dahil sa utos. Hindi ka sundalo, Goyo. Isa kang… aso.”

—Maj. Manuel Bernal

#3 “Gusto kong sumandal sa bisig ng isang lalakeng alam ang kanyang hangganan pagka’t natupad na niya ang tungkulin niya sa bayan. Isang taong batid na sa anumang oras ay maaari tayong pumanaw. Batid kung anong mas mahahalagang bagay sa buhay.”

— Remedios Nable Jose

Food at Vikings Luxury Buffet

Fam, I tried to eat slowly but it was impossible. I had arrived with an empty stomach, and somewhere in the midst of the competing aromas and the beauty of the tables, I had become thoroughly famished. After three platesful of dishes in which more than half of them are unfamiliar specimens to my stomach, I couldn’t take another bite. Right at that moment, I couldn’t have fervently hoped for larger intestines to accomodate all of the foods I wanted to devour. I was so full I was literally gasping for air. It’s always fun and exciting to eat, I would never understand people who would deliberately limit their intake in hopes of slimmer bodies. 😂😂😂

Musings#1

❝ You have to accept that some people are not made for deep conversations, or for holding you together when you’re about to fall apart, or for keeping you from unzipping your skin, or for talking you out of suicide, or to love you through the worst moments of your life. Some people are made for shallow exchanges, and ridiculous banter, and nothing more. And that’s okay. That doesn’t make them horrible people because they simply aren’t able to handle a storm like you. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you won’t divulge all the gritty details of your horror show. It makes you smart. You have to accept that there will be people that cannot give you what you need. It doesn’t mean they are not worth keeping in your life. You just have to figure out who these ones are before you’re disappointed. And you have to keep them at arm’s length. You cannot expect everyone in your life to understand, to be nonjudgmental, to get it. But that’s okay, because not everyone was made to impart wisdom, or wax-poetic, or speak on politics and the depravity of society, or discuss how crucial it is that the stigma of mental illness be abolished. There are times when you have to get away from all that heaviness. You have to. And you will need superficial conversation about Kim Kardashian’s arse, or a debate on the color of The Dress. You will need those ones. So don’t go round cutting people off and dropping your friends. You need people for all your seasons. You need people or you won’t survive this. ❞

—Anonymous, What my therapist told me this morning
random musings